Annotation 3: The law problems you need to face if you commit adultery

  Adultery is still regarded as a crime in most of the countries. Therefore, if you have an affair, you not only betray your spouse and hurt your family but also against the law, which means that you will receive punishments.

  Here are some laws from different countries. In Article 239 of the Criminal Code in The Republic of China, people who have married have sexual intercourse with third person shall be condemned to fixed-term imprisonment of not more than 1 year, and the third person has the same punishment as well. In others East Asian countries like North Korea, South Korea and Japan, adultery has been a crime for many years. And in Philippines, adultery is a crime for sure in the general penal laws, moreover, even a man cohabits with a woman who is not his wife is also regarded as a crime in their Revised Penal Code. According to the Indian law, a man will be sentenced for up to five years if he has sex with a woman without her husband’s approval. If you commit adultery in Muslim countries, for example, Saudi Arabia, Sudan and Somalia, you will face the cruel penalty, stoning to death.

  Although there are some of the social organizations promote that this law should be abolished like in Europe or some of the states in United State, an opinion poll conducted by Ministry of Justice still shows that there are 82% people oppose this idea, also, there are 86% people think that it’s reasonable that the cheated person need to be punished by the Criminal Code. Even if the revised Civil Law will compensate the abandoned partners, 77% people still left to stand for the opposition. We can see that people considered this law as a protection for the abandoned partners and also a preservation of family and marriage. At least, it’s a moral support and a method to fight back and gain compensation.

  The reason why the crime of adultery should not be abolished is that it may cause promiscuity. The situation of having an affair is common in Taiwan now even if this law exists. Can you imagine how serious this problem will be if it was abolished? It’s just like if the fine for exceeding the speed limit rescind, the car accidents caused by driving above the speed limit will increase.   

  If adultery is accepted, why there are still many countries have punishments for this behavior? Therefore, extramarital affair is unacceptable and the law is a safeguard to protect the right of the abandoned partner.

Source:

1.    Ministry of justice (June, 2013) According to the results of opinion poll, most of the people reserve their  comments about abolishing the crime of adultery.

       Retrieved from:

       http://www.moj.gov.tw/ct.asp?xItem=309266&ctNode=34622

2.     Wikipedia

        Retrieved from:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adultery

Reflection

Claire＆I:

The way we find our sources is quiet interesting. Actually, both of us felt a little perplexed when we were finding the sources, so we went to the library together, taking a look at the main points of all the books which are related to affairs, and then each of us borrowed five books back to read further. And the most difficult part when we were searching the information online is inputting key words and finding proper article. In fact, we searched and read the searching results randomly, though we did have a general direction for what we were going to write, so I thought the method for finding the useful and appropriate information you want needs patient and a little fortune. However, I did not read the authors’ detailed background first after I decided to use their articles as my annotations. Therefore, when professor asked me the information about the authors like where they are from or what their occupations are, I could not answer precisely.

In my annotation 1, I wrote about different  loss which the abandoned partners need to suffer, for example losing self-identity or losing contact with others. And the annotation 2 was the hurt to children like parents' affairs would make them no longer believe in love. Our annotation 3 is going to write about the law of extramarital affair. I will do some researches on the punishment for adultery in Taiwan, and maybe I can compare it with foreign laws. Claire will try to find some countries or states which plan to legalize adultery, for example, Colorado. And about the annotation 4, we have not decided what to write so far. Professor suggested us to find some sources from scholar, which means that the information needs to be more academic, so I think Claire and I have to discuss deeply.    

I am really lucky to have Claire as my partner. Because of my poor grammar, Claire often willing to point out my mistakes and then helped me correct them. As for feedback, I will tell her where might be easily misunderstanding in her articles.

Justine＆Joselin:

Their annotations have talked about premarital cohabitation from different angles such as age, culture, economic ability and so on. And there is a point which is worth to argue is that they both found a source about economic ability to support their ideas, but the results were contradictory under the same condition. Therefore, they decided to discuss this problem in their third annotation.

Eva＆Vicky:

  Their topic is arguing that if you have a partner already, you will still allow your partner to watch adult video or not. It is a very interesting and attractive issue, and the sources they used were from famous people like洪蘭 and the professor at NCU, Chuen-Juei Ho, which would make their research be more credible. Professor also suggested them to discuss their topic from different angles, for example, the restriction of pornography in America and Europe.

(Revised) Annotation 2: Say no to affairs if you don't want to hurt your children

In my annotation one, I have talked about the mental damages which the abandoned partners need to suffer when their spouses having affairs, and this time I will discuss the influences to children. Most of the people focus on the influences which are caused by the divorce, thinking that if they don’t get divorce, children won’t be hurt. This is not totally the truth. The truth is that at the moment when kids face the affairs, the damages have already done, and whether getting divorce or not, these harms will affect kids’ life in the future.

“Parents who have affairs often deceiving themselves about the impact their infidelity can have on their offspring.” What’s more, parents often pretend that they can cover up all the truth. But in fact, children are very sensitive. They will know there is something wrong between their parents, even though they don’t actually understand what happen. Therefore, if you are perfunctory to explain the truth to them or cannot give them a proper explanation fit in their age, as children grow up, they will feel that their parents have been unfaithful to them as well. 

The author thinks that the direct damage is changing kids’ attitude to love and the relationship between couple. They no longer believe in love or always take a doubtful attitude to it. Here are some real examples, “I still find it hard to trust my boyfriend when he is late, not with me or doesn’t answer his phone…it’s as if disaster is always waiting in the wings and he is going to leave me.” “My son, who’s married, once asked me if I thought infidelity might be in his genes because of the fact his father was serially unfaithful.” Also, a mother said that “Her adult children find it hard to trust and respect their father because he lied to them as children and still denies he had an affair with the women to whom he’s now married.” All these reflections show that parents’ affairs make children feel insecure in love. Some of them will even be hostile to the opposite gender and might use affair as a method to hurt their spouses in the future marriage.

It’s inevitable that when affair is exposed, both parents will feel anxious and angry, that’s why they often forget to think of the stress which children have to shoulder. The worst situation is forcing children to take sides. “By tearing a child’s loyalty in two, parents will inflict profound damage.” Especially for those abandoned partners, they will eager to find some support from children console their hurts or to fight against their spouses. Even if this behavior is reasonable, it still has many side effects. The obvious one is that it might enable one of the parents to lose contact with their offspring after they separate.

In conclusion, do not think that affair is only a matter between you and your spouse. It’s related to your whole family and will cast unfading shadow in their mind. So, please say no to affairs if you don’t want to hurt your family.

Source:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2313246/How-ruin-childs-chance-happy-love-life-Have-affair--damage-WORSE-older-stray.html

(Revised) Annotation 1: Losing yourself after you find you are losing your spouse

The author lists different kinds of sense of loss which the people will experience after they find their spouses have an affair.

    First is losing self-identity. They will keep thinking “I don’t know who I am anymore.” In the past, they might regard themselves as friendly, warm, humorous and capable people, but now they’ll think they have hundreds of disadvantages like jealous, sensitive, lose control easily or want to revenge all the time. Why they will have these kinds of feelings is that the anger blinds their eyes, so they cannot find the true self in their mind.

Second is losing the feeling of being cherished. The abandoned partners will regard themselves as something like trash which can be thrown away at any time. Also, they might think they are special to their spouses before, but suddenly realize they are not the only special one in their spouses’ life.

Third is losing control of mind and body. For example, although it’s really painful to think of the scenes of your spouse and his/ her lover together, they still keep emerging into your mind frequently, which will drive you crazy and affect the sleeping quality. And the distrust to your spouse often make you do something impulsive like cannot stop checking all his/her stuff like the pockets of his jackets, car, bag and so on. What’s more, some of the abandoned partners will over dieting or exercising in order to make themselves look more attractive just because they want to find their pride back in front their spouses.

Forth is losing contact with others. “Who can I trust?” The shame and self-abased always make them think that everyone is remarking about them. Therefore, they’ll be afraid to go outside and connect with people. Besides, whether telling parents and children or not will keep troubling them. Also, they will have doubt that if their friends can keep this secret. All these reasons make the abandoned partners abase themselves from the people.

Fifth is losing the will to live. It’s not surprise that people will commit suicide if he/she loses the ability to live or cannot find someone to love or being love. And this is the worst reflection to the affairs.

Once you cheat on your spouse, it means that he/she not only have to suffer the pain of losing you but also losing himself/herself. A survey shows that there are 70% of people will suffer melancholia for many years after they find their spouses having affairs. And we can see that most of the abandoned partners will think that it’s all their faults to let their spouses cheat. Therefore, we should let those who try to rationalize affairs understand the exactly pain their spouses will have and their temporary excitement might hurt their families forever.

Source:

J. A. Spring ＆ M. Spring (1998). After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful. p 16 – p 42

The transcript of presentation of annotation 2

Ok, I’m the one who cannot accept extramarital affairs. In my annotation one, I have talked about the…umm…mental damages which the abandoned partners need to suffer when their spouses having affair, and this time I will discuss the influences to the children. Most of the people …umm… focus on the influences…which are caused by divorce, and…and thinks that if they don’t get divorce, their children won’t be hurt. But the author thinks this is not totally the truth. The truth is that…umm…at the moment when kids know their parents have an affair…have an affair…,the damages have already done, and it doesn’t matter… whether getting divorce or not, so these harms will affet..affect kid’s future… life in their future.

Umm…Some parents who have affairs… often deceiving themselves about the impact their infidelity can have on their children. What’s more, they..umm..they…they often think that they can cover up all the truth. But in fact, children are very sensitive. They will know there is something wrong between their parents, even though they don’t understand...they don’t actually under…understand…what happened. For example, they will wondering why...umm…daddy and mommy fight every day? Or… why daddy always come home late? Um…or… why they don’t seems to love each other like before? Therefore, if you are perfunctory to explain the truth to them or cannot… give them …an appropriate…appropriate explanation according to their age, when they grow up, they will think…umm…their parents… have been unfaithful to them as well.(pause)

And the direct damage that caused by parents’ affair is that…it can change the kid’s attitude to love and the relationship between couple. They…no longer believe in love and…or you can say they hold a doubtful att…attitude to it.(pause)…umm…here I will read some real responses by those…children whose parents have…ah…whose parents have affairs: “I still find it hard to trust my boyfriend when he is late, not with me or doesn’t answer his phone. I feel like he’ going to leave me at anytime.” And another one is a mother talking about his son, “My son, who’s married, once asked me if I thought infidelity might be in his genes because of the fact that his father was se…serial…serially…unfaithful.” Also, a mother said that “Her adult children find it hard to trust and respect his father because he lied to them and still denies he had an affair with the women to whom he now…he’s now married.” (Pause)…all these reflections show that parents’ affair…umm… make children feel insecure in love. Some of them will even be hostile to the opposite gender…and might use affair as a method to hurt your spouse in their future marriage.

Besides, it’s inevitable that both parents will feel anxious and on…umm and angry if the affair is exposed. So that’s why they often forgot to think of the stress which children need to shoulder. The worst situation is forcing children to take sides. By tearing child’s loyalty in two, umm…parents will inflict the profound damage. Especially for those abandoned partners, they will eager to find some support from their children to console their hurts and want to fight…fight against their spouse. Umm…even if this behavior is reasonable, but it still have many side effects. The obvious one…is that one of the partner will lose contact with their children after they separate.

   So, do not think affair is only a matter between you and your spouse. It’s related to the whole family…and will cast…and will cast unfading shadow in their mind. So, please say no to affairs if you don’t want to hurt your family. Thank you.  

Annotation 2: Say no to affairs if you don't want to hurt your children

In my annotation one, I talked about the mental damages which the abandoned partners need to suffer when their spouses having affairs, and this time I will discuss the influences to the children. Most of the people focus on the influences which are caused by divorce, thinking that if they don’t get divorce, children will not be hurt. This is not totally the truth. The truth is that at the moment when kids face the affairs, the damages have already done, and whether getting divorce or not, these harms will affect kids’ life in the future.

“For parents who have affairs are not only lying to their partners, they often deceiving themselves about the impact their infidelity can have on their offspring.” Children are very sensitive. They will know that there is something wrong between their parents, even though they don’t actually understand what happen. Therefore, if you are perfunctory to explain the truth to them, as children grow up and understand what affair is, they will feel that their parents have been unfaithful to them as well. 
  

The direct damage is changing kids’ attitude to love and the relationship between couple. They no longer believe in love or always hold a doubtful attitude to it. Here are some real examples, “I still find it hard to trust that when my boyfriend’s late or not with me and doesn’t answer his phone…it’s as if disaster is always waiting in the wings and he’ going to leave me.” “My son, who’s married, once asked me if I thought infidelity might be in his genes because of the fact his father was serially unfaithful.” Also, a mother said that “Her adult children find it hard to trust and respect their father because he lied to them as children and still denies he had an affair with the women to whom he’s now married.” All these reflections show that parents’ affairs make children feel insecure in love. Some of them will even be hostile to the opposite sex and might use affair as a method to hurt their spouses in the future.

It’s inevitable that when affair is exposed, both parents will feel anxious and angry, that’s why they might forget to think of the stress which children need to shoulder. The worst situation is forcing children to take sides. “By tearing a child’s loyalty in two, parents can inflict profound damage.” Especially for those abandoned partners, they will eager to find some support from children to fight against their spouses and console their hurts. Although this behavior is reasonable, it has many side effects. The obvious one is that it enables one of the parents to lose contact with their offspring if they separate.

Do not think that affair is only a matter between you and your spouse. It’s related to your whole family and will cast unfading shadow in their mind.

Source:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2313246/How-ruin-childs-chance-happy-love-life-Have-affair--damage-WORSE-older-stray.html

Annotation 1: Losing yourself after you find out you are losing your spouse

The author lists different kinds of sense of loss which the people will experience after they find their spouses have an affair.

First is losing self-identity. They will keep thinking “I don’t know who I am anymore.” In the past, they might regard themselves as friendly, warm, humorous and capable people, but now they’ll think they have hundreds of disadvantages like jealous, sensitive, lose control easily or want to revenge all the time. Because the anger blinds their eyes, they cannot find the true self in their mind. What’s more, the suspicion to themselves might drown them to death.

Second is losing the feeling of being cherished. The abandoned partners will regard themselves as something like trash which can be thrown away at any time. They might think they are special to their spouses before, but suddenly realize they are not the only special one in their spouses’ life.

Third is losing control of the mind and body. For example, although it’s really painful to think of the scenes of your spouse and his/ her lover together, they still keep emerging into your mind frequently, which will drive you crazy and affect the sleeping quality. Also, you cannot stop checking all his/her stuff like bills, pockets of his jackets, car, bag and so on. The distrust to your spouse enables your behavior become impulsive. Some of the abandoned partners will over dieting or exercising in order to make themselves more attractive and find their pride back in front their spouses.

Forth is losing contact with others. “Who can I trust?” The shame and self-abased enable you to think that everyone is remarking about you. Therefore, you’ll be afraid to go outside and connect with people. Besides, whether telling parents and children or not will be a big trouble for you. Also, you might not want to become a burden for your friends, moreover, you will have doubt that if your friends will keep the secret or not. All these reasons make the abandoned partners abase themselves from the people.

Fifth is losing the will to live. It’s not surprise that people will commit suicide if he/she loses the ability to live or cannot find someone to love or being love. This is the worst reflection to the affairs.

Once you cheat on your spouse, it means that he/she not only have to suffer the pain of losing you but also losing himself/herself. We can see that most of the abandoned partners will think that it’s all their faults to let their spouses cheat. “I think we are intimate with each other, but obviously it’s all my imagination.” There is a survey shows that most of the people will suffer melancholia for many years after they find their spouse having an affair. Do people who try to rationalize affairs really understand how painful their spouses will be? Do they know that their temporary excitement might hurt their families forever?

Source:

珍妮斯．史普林＆麥克．史普林(1998).外遇的男女心理:如何走出創傷與重建信任 p16~p42