In
my annotation one, I have talked about the mental damages which the abandoned
partners need to suffer when their spouses having affairs, and this time I will
discuss the influences to children. Most of the people focus on the influences
which are caused by the divorce, thinking that if they don’t get divorce,
children won’t be hurt. This is not totally the truth. The truth is that at the
moment when kids face the affairs, the damages have already done, and whether
getting divorce or not, these harms will affect kids’ life in the future.
“Parents
who have affairs often deceiving themselves about the impact their infidelity
can have on their offspring.” What’s more, parents often pretend that they can
cover up all the truth. But in fact, children are very sensitive. They will
know there is something wrong between their parents, even though they don’t
actually understand what happen. Therefore, if you are perfunctory to explain
the truth to them or cannot give them a proper explanation fit in their age, as
children grow up, they will feel that their parents have been unfaithful to
them as well.
The
author thinks that the direct damage is changing kids’ attitude to love and the
relationship between couple. They no longer believe in love or always take a
doubtful attitude to it. Here are some real examples, “I still find it hard to
trust my boyfriend when he is late, not with me or doesn’t answer his
phone…it’s as if disaster is always waiting in the wings and he is going to
leave me.” “My son, who’s married, once asked me if I thought infidelity might
be in his genes because of the fact his father was serially unfaithful.” Also,
a mother said that “Her adult children find it hard to trust and respect their
father because he lied to them as children and still denies he had an affair
with the women to whom he’s now married.” All these reflections show that
parents’ affairs make children feel insecure in love. Some of them will even be
hostile to the opposite gender and might use affair as a method to hurt their
spouses in the future marriage.
It’s
inevitable that when affair is exposed, both parents will feel anxious and
angry, that’s why they often forget to think of the stress which children have
to shoulder. The worst situation is forcing children to take sides. “By tearing
a child’s loyalty in two, parents will inflict profound damage.” Especially for
those abandoned partners, they will eager to find some support from children console
their hurts or to fight against their spouses. Even if this behavior is
reasonable, it still has many side effects. The obvious one is that it might enable
one of the parents to lose contact with their offspring after they separate.
In
conclusion, do not think that affair is only a matter between you and your
spouse. It’s related to your whole family and will cast unfading shadow in
their mind. So, please say no to affairs if you don’t want to hurt your family.
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