In my annotation one, I talked about the
mental damages which the abandoned partners need to suffer when their spouses
having affairs, and this time I will discuss the influences to the children. Most
of the people focus on the influences which are caused by divorce,
thinking that if they don’t get divorce, children will not be hurt. This is not
totally the truth. The truth is that at the moment when kids face the affairs,
the damages have already done, and whether getting divorce or not, these harms
will affect kids’ life in the future.
“For parents who have affairs are not only
lying to their partners, they often deceiving themselves about the impact their
infidelity can have on their offspring.” Children are very sensitive. They will
know that there is something wrong between their parents, even though they don’t
actually understand what happen. Therefore, if you are perfunctory to explain
the truth to them, as children grow up and understand what affair is, they will
feel that their parents have been unfaithful to them as well.
The direct damage is changing kids’
attitude to love and the relationship between couple. They no longer believe in
love or always hold a doubtful attitude to it. Here are some real examples, “I
still find it hard to trust that when my boyfriend’s late or not with me and
doesn’t answer his phone…it’s as if disaster is always waiting in the wings and
he’ going to leave me.” “My son, who’s married, once asked me if I thought
infidelity might be in his genes because of the fact his father was serially
unfaithful.” Also, a mother said that “Her adult children find it hard to trust
and respect their father because he lied to them as children and still denies
he had an affair with the women to whom he’s now married.” All these reflections
show that parents’ affairs make children feel insecure in love. Some of them will
even be hostile to the opposite sex and might use affair as a method to hurt
their spouses in the future.
It’s inevitable that when affair is
exposed, both parents will feel anxious and angry, that’s why they might forget
to think of the stress which children need to shoulder. The worst situation is
forcing children to take sides. “By tearing a child’s loyalty in two, parents
can inflict profound damage.” Especially for those abandoned partners, they
will eager to find some support from children to fight against their spouses
and console their hurts. Although this behavior is reasonable, it has many side
effects. The obvious one is that it enables one of the parents to lose contact
with their offspring if they separate.
Do not think that affair is only a matter
between you and your spouse. It’s related to your whole family and will cast
unfading shadow in their mind.
Source:
I am the victim of my Dad's affair and the divorce of my parents so I can show you my opinions about kids being hurt due to not being told what really happens. To be frank, parents choose to cover the thing out of fear that when the kids know the truth, they cannot stand it and are thus hurt or always worried about when their family will break down. What's more, kids in little age are not likely to understand what adultery is even though you tell them the truth. Actually, when there are problems in my family, my parents did not let me know the whole thing clearly, which did not make my whole life miserable and I could still live a life like a student should have. But what I consider important is that when parents really sign the divorced paper, they must let the kids know that the family is broken. And in fact, I think when the kids grow up, they will gradually stand on adult side to think more and deep. They will know the concern their parents had then and just let the tragedy go.
回覆刪除You explained your viewpoint very clear.
回覆刪除But what I understand in your presentation that you two discussed the right-or-wrong problem to have affair in annotation 2, but you talked about whether to let kids know the affair or not in annotation 1.
I think there was no connection between these two topics.
Thanks for your comments.
刪除The topic of my annotation 1 is the mental damages which the abandoned partners need to suffer. So, I don't understand what you mean.
I think you and your partner are discussing different topic.
回覆刪除I'm agree with your topic that parents behavior will influence their children. Once parents have an affair, if they can handle it well and perform perfect parents as usual, I think it is not necessarily to tell their children. Bit if they get divorce, they have to tell children the truth.
I totally agree with your point. I think it is not acceptable to commit affair because not only is it against our moral norm but it will also leave some negative impact on the children. No matter what you and your spouse may do you should never hurt your children because they are innocent and should not be hurt. Your presentation is clear and we can see that you are well prepared. You speak in a confident tone which makes the audience believe your point is correct and persuasive.
回覆刪除You speak of the main point: children are hurt whether their parents divorce or not. The dialogue you said in the presentation makes this truth clearer. Your presentation is convincing.
回覆刪除i think your voice is very good but if can add some gestures then it would be great! not only the affairs but also other problems between parents would somehow hurt their children. if the the situation cannot cannot be avoided or reverse, it is important for parents to talk to children. hiding the truth is the worst choice
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